What I've Learned About being a Boy Mom (so far!)

Raising Feminist Sons: A Personal Journey of Equality and Equity

For as long as I can remember, I have considered myself a feminist. I never saw it as a divisive word nor did I feel any tension around its social or political implications. As a young woman, I believed that feminists were people who wanted women to have every right that men did—nothing more and nothing less. In my definition, both men and women could be feminists.

As I grew older, I stopped believing in "equality" in the sense that men and women are the same. I began to embrace the idea of "equity," which, according to my dearest friend, ChatGPT:

Equality vs. Equity in Women’s Rights

When discussing women’s rights, equality and equity are two distinct but interconnected concepts:

• Equality focuses on giving everyone the same resources or opportunities. In the context of women’s rights, this means ensuring that men and women have identical rights, responsibilities, and treatment under the law, in the workplace, in education, and more. Equality aims to level the playing field by removing overt, formal barriers such as discriminatory policies.
• Equity recognizes that not everyone starts from the same place, so different measures are needed to achieve fair outcomes. It takes into account historical and structural inequalities that have disproportionately affected women and strives to provide the support and resources necessary to address these disparities.

In short:

• Equality = same treatment and opportunities for all (e.g., equal pay for the same work).
• Equity = tailored treatment to ensure fair outcomes (e.g., mentoring programs for women in male-dominated industries).

Both concepts are crucial for advancing women’s rights. While equality provides the foundation for fair treatment, equity addresses nuanced realities and barriers women face, ensuring truly fair outcomes.

Embracing Feminism as a Boy Mom and Entrepreneur

As a mother of three sons—ages 15, 12, and 10—and the founder of Bossy Cosmetics, I have embarked on a journey to raise feminist men who respect and champion gender equality. Balancing entrepreneurship with motherhood has provided me with unique opportunities to model these values and instill them in my children.

Strategies for Raising Feminist Sons

1. Modeling Equality at Home

Children learn by observing. My husband and I strive to demonstrate an equitable partnership by sharing responsibilities and decision-making. This sets a standard for our sons to emulate in their future relationships.

2. Encouraging Emotional Expression

Traditional masculinity often discourages boys from expressing emotions. We encourage our sons to articulate their feelings openly, fostering emotional intelligence and empathy. This approach counters the stereotype that boys must be stoic and unfeeling.

3. Challenging Gender Stereotypes

We expose our sons to diverse role models and narratives that defy traditional gender roles. Encouraging interests in activities regardless of societal norms reinforces that abilities and preferences are not confined by gender.

4. Teaching Consent and Respect

From an early age, we’ve instilled the importance of consent and bodily autonomy. Our sons understand that everyone has the right to make decisions about their own bodies and that personal boundaries must be respected.

5. Promoting Critical Thinking

We encourage our sons to question media portrayals and societal messages that perpetuate gender inequality. Discussing advertisements, movies, and news stories helps them analyze their impact on perceptions of gender roles.

6. Supporting Female Leadership

We highlight and celebrate female leaders in various fields. This exposure helps our sons appreciate women’s contributions and understand the importance of gender diversity in leadership roles.

7. Fostering Inclusive Friendships

We encourage friendships with individuals of all genders. Diverse social interactions can reduce biases and promote mutual respect among peers.

The Impact of Raising Feminist Sons

By instilling feminist values, we’re preparing our sons to become men who respect and advocate for gender equality. They will be better equipped to form healthy relationships, contribute positively to their communities, and challenge societal norms that perpetuate inequality.

Conclusion

My dedication to raising feminist sons is a powerful contribution to building a more just and equitable society. By fostering empathy, respect, and critical thinking, I’m empowering my sons to become advocates for equality and champions of positive change.