March 05, 2019
Aishetu Fatima Dozie
Sitting close to the ocean on a beautiful island with my kids close enough for me to see them but far enough for me not to hear them! I'm reading a really intriguing fiction novel written by a truly awesome woman. My husband is somewhere close by doing whatever makes him happy. I'm drinking a gin and tonic. The weather is beautiful and my mind and heart are filled with gratitude. I'm really starting to get into this idea!!
That I will die before my children get a chance to learn everything that I need to teach them.
That I can shut off so completely from people who betray or offend me. I also can't cook. I think the not cooking deficiency is really bad. I mean, I love food. I wish I knew how to cook.
Lying. I don't like it when people are a veneer of their true selves. It's exhausting. These are generally the people that I cut off from so completely.
There is no single person. I admire Beyoncé because she's like this magical mythical human being in my mind. I know that it's not fair because no woman can attain that status of perfection nor should they need to. In my mind though, she's pretty close to epic. I admire Michelle Obama because she brought an air of excellence to that White House that I'm not sure has ever existed. So many people wanted to see her fail but she never gave them the pleasure. What a unicorn!
Flying first class to Mustique Island. This is hyperbole at its finest. If I don't do that, then having enough money to make a sustained difference in the life of women in my grandmothers village.
On my 40th birthday in Mustique. I can pretty much live without anyone who wasn't there. It was such a peaceful, special, and pivotal time for me. Turning 40 was incredibly disruptive for me and those around me. I really had to look at myself and see some of the ugly and the beautiful. I accepted both but decided that changes needed to be made. I think I have an idea of the pain yet beautiful anguish that a caterpillar endures in the journey to butterfly. I'm not sure that I am a butterfly yet but I'm definitely on the road.
I'd like to vanish when people are being insincere, rude, petulant, selfish, etc. Literally, just disappear in the middle of their bad behaviour with no notice and never to return.
Having children isn't really an achievement, is it? Here I am telling people to boss up and claim their narrative and I can't think of one great achievement. I think the fact that I haven't crashed and burned out is a major success. I've had plenty dark moments but managed to always come up and see/be the light. Beating depression and getting help was a significant step in the right direction for me. I come from a tradition and belief system that to suggest you are "feeling off" is taboo. I remember telling my mom after I had my second son that I was worried about how I was feeling and she quickly admonished the feelings and told me not to tell my husband or in-laws!!! That's what she knows so I don't judge her but it was hard for me to tell myself that I needed help. I did though. I'm proud that I fought for my mental strength.
Trying to be likable in situations that jeopardized my emotional and mental wellbeing. Boy do I have stories to tell. But I won't. I used to really care what people thought about me. In a way that was unhealthy. I don't care in the same unhealthy was anymore though. I just need to be careful so that that too doesn't become unhealthy. Hmmm.
I don't "possess" my family because they aren't objects. I don't "possess" my relationship with God because you just can't. In essence, absolutely nothing that I possess is worth mentioning.
Living your life on terms that you didn't sign up for and don't respect. If I can't respect my decisions, I'm pretty hard on myself. I allow myself to fail quite easily but I hold myself to a high standard and don't ever want to disrespect my choices.
Flattered. Confused. Shocked. Scared? I'm still trying to figure things out for myself. There is no single thing that I believe I am the master at. I love meeting new people but I don't want to come across as the 'authority' on anything. Every journey is unique.
Their love, honesty, and loyalty. Love is the most important. I like being loved in a very actionable way. Maybe I'm a tiring friend? Hmmm.
My mom. Couldn't have been easy going to college and dragging me along as a single mom. My husband. I sometimes wonder if he wished he married a much easier woman! I'm definitely a handful. He's a real trooper but I'm also pretty awesome so I guess we equal out somewhere in there.
Sexy and unstoppable
This is impossible to answer as I love them all!!! But I am partial to Vixen. Makes me feel like I am going to conquer the world.
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